Need a BLOW JOB? Here's how NOT to do it! hehehehe

I'm not a YouTube addict, but this is FUNNY! Fucking priceless!

Otters holding hands

Nothing to do with Australia, but this is the cuuuutest thing I've seen since the mirror this morning!

The coach trip

Melbourne – Part 2

So, while I was in Melbourne for the whirlwind visit last weekend, I decided to book a trip to Phillip Island. It was gonna take up most of my one and only free day, but the highlight of the trip could not be missed! I was so looking forward to it in fact, I barely slept the night before, though this might have been due to the copius amounts of alcohol and the fact my bedroom overlooked the courtyard of a very busy pub that didn’t shut till 3am.

I had a couple of hours to kill in the morning, so thought I’d take a river cruise up The Yarra to see Melbourne. It’s a pretty easy and cheap way of seeing any city, if they have a river that is, but the return time was very close to my departure time for the other trip so I knocked it on the head. As it turned out the coach for Phillip Island was ½ hour late, so I could have done it!

Some old Goat, on the left that is!

The 200km trip dahn sarf took a while, as we stopped off at various places on the way, including a working cattle farm and a koala conservation centre.

The Koala Conservation Centre was brilliant. All the usual trappings of any tourist spot and more besides, but you do get to be up close with one of the iconic animals of Australia. They've built a boardwalk high up, so you are actually walk thru the tree canopy and therefore can get pretty close to the koalas. Obviously you can’t touch, harass, shout, poke or generally cause them any distress, after all this is a conservation centre, but you can get pretty close and they seemed as if they were used to the throngs that pass thru every day.

A couple of right ugly birds

The “working cattle farm” whos name I can’t remember….maybe Werorreroer Cattle Farm? (Lots of places here all sound and look the same having lots of W’s or R’s. Those are the ones named after or by the aborignal people of this land)

This is where you can see emus, wallabies, kangaroos and wombats. Which, I think just about covers all of the iconic animals of this place!

The kangaroos are pretty nonchalent about the whole thing and didn’t really move much, despite Japanese tourists straddling them for the obligatory piccies. They just stood there and let people do whatever they seemed to want. That’s the roos, not the tourists.

Can you tell what is is yet? (in the words of Rolf)

I managed to talk one of those into taking a pic of me, which is no mean feat when the only Japanese I know is sushi and Fuji and the only Engrish they know are “Elvis Presrey” but with a bit of sign language and shouting I managed to get across what I wanted.

Why do people resort to shouting when trying to make themselves understood?

“NO-YOU-TAKE-PICTURE-ME!”

Or

"交政策を実施する外務省所管の独 !!!"

Anyway, you get the idea?

Melbourne to be continued....

They Got Rythm, They Got Style

Found this post on YouTube.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqGAp8id-ys


Sweet :-)

Ada and ??

Melbourne - Part 1 Slightly blurry pic

The FINA 12^th World Championships are being held in Melbourne at the moment, so I decided to pop down, if you can “pop down” a thousand kilometres, and see the mens 3m diving final.

My plane landed at around 3pm, which left me plenty of time to find my hotel, get changed, summink to eat and get to the aquatic centre for the show at 8.30pm.

Getting from the airport to Melbourne City Centre was not a problem, getting from there to the hotel was. What should have taken me only 20 mins actually took almost and hour and a half! One bus, two trams, one train and a 25 minute walk in 35 degree heat, I eventually arrived, looking a pikey on a day outing! The receptionist/owner asked me “Can I help you?” but the look he gave was actually “Get away from my door, you smelly undesirable!”

“Yes, I’m Gaz, I have a booking.” I offered.

“Oh, well come in.” (read “Oh my god, who is this retard.”)

The rooms were nice enough for a B&B, but the best bit is that it is above a pub!

Having showered and changed, I made my way down stairs for a beer and then headed off to the Melbourne Sports & Aquatic Centre (MSAC). It was 6pm and according to the www it would only take me 40 mins to get there, max.

1 train, two trams, a taxi and two hours later, I arrived. In good time to see the start of the final.

Now, those of you who know me, know that I don’t use the word ‘awesome’ but it is the only word I can think of to describe the diving spectacular!! It was amazing, bloody oath!

Men, in budgiesmugglers, piking, tucking, twisting, somersaulting there way towards the gold. It was eventually won by the Chinese with Canada coming in second.

Now that I knew where I was going, I got home within the allotted 40 minutes given to me by the www. Had a few beers in the pub downstairs and went to beddiebyes at 2am.

Up the next day, crack o dawn, she didn’t seem to mind and then got 1 train into town. (I’m getting the hang of this Melbourne train system now!) Booked a tour to Phillip Island for later that day and then hopped on a free tram that goes in a loop around the main sites of Melbourne. There’s not much to say about this place really, cos I didn’t spend much time there. A city is a city right?

However, on this “loop tram” there were two old biddies and one old codger, all three English. Lady 1, obviously lived here, lady 2 and man 1 visiting. All three spoke in a slightly Northern accent and for the life of me the two women sounded EXACTLY like those two women that Roy Barraclough and Les Dawson used to do, so when reading their conversation below, think of it in those terms.

Lady 1: THIRTY YEARS, that’s how long she was with him.

Lady 2: Thirty Years?

Man 1: (Grunt)

Lady 1: Yes, thirty years. Thirty years, before he had the decency to die on her.

Man 1: (Grunt)

Lady 2: I know

Lady 1: It was the smoking that did it you know. I says to him, I says those fags’ll kill you, you know, I'm telling ya I says to him and I was right wasn’t I.

Lady 2: You’re right, it was the fags, you’re right……..How did he die again?

Lady 1 Brain tumour……………………………………

Man 1 (Grunt)

Melbourne to be continued.....

She's 75 you know.....

The weekend gone by was a funny ol’ affair. It was St Patricks day on Saturday, without any official goingson and Sunday saw the celebration of a bridge that is 75 years old.

I missed out on the offical St Patricks day so I decided to do a little tour of Irish pubs on the day in question and have a few schooners of Guinness.

It sounds odd to say a schooner of Guinness. All other drinks make the translation easily. “Gimme a schooner of beer.” or “I’ll have a schooner of Carlton” but “Schooner of Guinness” sounds weird. Anyway, after repeating this to the barman a few times, it just seemed to roll off the toungue. “Ahll hash a shooner uf Guines pleashe mate” and before you knew it, another would be there.

Thankfully, the Aussie/Irish had the good foresight NOT to make it green! They were however handing out green wigs and ‘T’ shirts if you purchased 4 Carltons (!?!?!?!).

“Shirly that shud be Guines?” I enquired.

To which he answered “Buiochas le Dia tusa Druncaeir”

Realising I understood Gaelic better than english at this point, I decided to stagger home……before I offered my rendition of riverdance, in front of the Oirish Fiddle Band. That would just be embarrassing if I did that…..wouldn’t it?

The next day, I awoke nice and early and headed off to Circular Quay. Probably one of the best vantage points to see any of the nine planned flyovers in celebration of the 75th year of the Bridge.

Having got out of bed at 7:30 and making my way down here, the very least they could do was to make sure it ran on time. The planned 9:00 flyover of a Gypsy Moth Bi-plane didn’t occur. The “massive tall-ship fleet” that was to pass under the bridge at the same time was actually two chinese junks and a miniature tall ship. A short ship if you will !

Then the battery died on my new Kodak Brownie, so off home I went to re-charge it. I wasn’t too bothered about missing out on the celebrations at this point after a dissappointing start….I got back to the Quay about 4pm. Now there were litterally thousands of people there taking part in all the activities planned for the day. I arrived in time to see the flyover of a “group of seaplanes”. What I actually saw was three microlights with skis on!

I felt kinda deflated by the promised party and made my way to a pub.

“Kin I git a pint of Guins pleashe?”

…….and so it continued.

Another missed event !

Tomorrow is St Patricks Day. The day for parades, drinking Guiness, family events, drinking Guiness, wearing anything bright green and of course drinking Guiness.

I was quite looking forward to this event having never participated in one before. Well, I have, but only in the "I'm down the pub drinking Guiness" kind of way. This time I was actually going to go to the parade etc etc.

After checking it all out on-line and getting quite excited, I see the date for this fine mustering of all things Irish was actually last weekend, on the 11th March !

WTF?

Reason? See here. which by the way, looks like a better day out.

Oh well, There's always next year!

Star Struck

Sunrise, the morning brekky show on the 7 Network are currently hosting the ”Sunrise Concert Series”, where, hosted by Kochie and Mel you can see some of your favourite singers perform in the plaza outside the studio. These concerts are a small affair with various pop acts such as Hinder & Keith Urban, but this mornings appearance was by a band of yesteryear and I’m glad (read sad?) to say, I really enjoyed it!

Waaay back when I was a young lad, Michael and I trotted off to Wembley Arena in London. We hadn’t bought tickets and hoped to find a tout that would sell us a couple. We weren’t disappointed. Two tickets we got. However, we didn’t check the tickets and when it came to enter, we found we were basically on opposite sides of the arena from each other!!

Who was this band? Who were our idols of the early 90’s? Who did I go and see when I was only @# years old?

It was the same band I saw this morning….

TAKE THAT! Bloody oath!

Singing their hit, Patience, I clicked away with my new Kodak Brownie and bring you these fine snaps of the boys!

Click 'em to see 'em.....

It never strikes twice

On Sunday night, there was a major storm that came over Sydders. Seriously, I've never seen anything like it.....actually, I didn't see it....I was too busy recovering from Mardi Gras and slept thru it, but here's some pictures of it anyhow.....



Oooooooo




Ahhhhhhhh

Sydney Mardi Gras 2007 Video Highlights

Sydney Mardi Gras 2007...........................ENJOY!

Mardi Gras Highlights, Sydney 2007

Australia - Proud and True

An e-mail sent to me:

There may be better places in the world to visit, but i'll be buggered if i'd live anywhere else than here.

When I think of a 'typical Aussie' I get an image of a bronzed man or woman, who have Milo and Weet-Bix for breakfast, Vegemite for lunch, and a bbq and beer for tea. Tim-Tams are the national snack, beating the Poms at anything the national sport. It's getting in there and having a go. It's calling your best mate a total bastard, and your worst enemy a bit of a bastard. It's the Hills Hoist, the Holden Ute, Gum Trees and Simpson washing machines. It's dusty kids with big smiles. It's verandah's as large as the rest of the house.

It's Victa mowers cutting foot long grass that was only mowed two weeks ago. It's having a laugh with your mates. It's scones, sheep stations the size of European countries, and Tim-Tams. It's being girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. It's about being so lustful for international recognition we celebrate winning against the poms in Darts. It's about a Highway which kills more people each year than die by murder. It's taking a criminal and making him a hero. It's "no worries mate", "she'll be right mate", and "Waltzing Matilda" all rolled into one. It's shielas, blokes, wankers, pooftas, dancing queens, wowzers, Jumbucks, Jackaroos, Jillaroos, Walleroos, Kangaroos, Koalas and an animal that is so strange that when it was first discovered, people thought it was a joke.

It's women in unfeasably small bikinis putting coins into your parking meter while you're off getting pissed. It's immigrants from the 50's saying theydon't want any more immigrants. It's making a feature film about a bunch oftraveling queers and calling it a national triumph. It's taking our greatestmilitary defeat and turning it into the birth of a nation, while simultaneously ignoring Black Sunday against the Germans.

It's footy in the office, betting on the Finals, supporting your local team (even if half of them come from Melbourne) and code wars in the Pub. It's massive bronzed Aussie blokes with arms like powerpoles meeting you at Customs with a smile and a G'Day. It's calling out to the man on the boundry for thirty minutes to turn and wave, and when he does, give a cheer and start all over again. It's having 9 of the 10 most deadly land animals on the face of the planet in our backyards.

It's the population of New York occupying a country the size of Europe. It's about standing by your mate, no matter what stupid thing he's done now. It's about a tennis star who is called a brat with one breath, and a bloody legend the next. It's about flying over the centerpiece of our nation on the way to Bali or Malaysia. It's Melbourne and Sydney competing with each other as to who is the best city in the country, while the rest of us know they're both rubbish. It's our distrust of politicians and moral elitists. It's having the world record for the single largest mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

It's surf lifesavers who are the envy of the world. It's meat pies with sauce, calling French Fries chips, and buying wine by the cask. It's hating the French, beating the English, and laughing at the Americans, who think 'World Series' means only two countries are allowed to participate. It's about arguing whether it's Cabanossi or Kabana. It's the Blue Heeler, the Kelpie, and the Tuckerbox. It's making cars so good that we export them to every Continent except Antartica.

It's inventing a sporting catch-cry in three seconds, while other teams supporters plan for months. It's chasing fish poachers halfway around the world just so we can confiscate their boat and sell their catch. It's cricket in the backyard, over-and-out, batter fetches, one-hand-one-bounce, electric wickets, and tipsy-runs. It's having some of the brightest coloured birds in the world, that you can't see in the trees no matter how hard you look. It's Magpies calling in the morning, Crows cawing in the afternoon, and Possums climbing in your window after dark.

It's getting a Kiddy Pool and suddenly finding your children have a lot of new friends. It's wearing thongs on your feet, not up your crack. It's walking into the shopping center bare-chested for the guys and shorts and bikini top for the girls, and no one gives you a second glance. It's budgie-smugglers on the beach, and tackle out at home. It's Hoop Snakes, Drop Bears, Electric Trees and Kapop Birds. It's leaning over the fence to have a yarn with the neighbours. It's playing a code of football so tough and without padding, overseas visitors think we're mad. It's not knowing for sure what half the words to the National Anthem are, but still singing what they _might be_ with pride. And it's a sports flag and team colours which have nothing to do with the national flag.

I'm Orstraaalian !

A little peice of home

Mick went home yesterday after almost 9 weeks here in Sunny Oz.

I'll miss my playmate and his shananigans.....

Mardi Gras - Blah Blah Blah

3rd March 2007 – Get up early and prepare……

Saturday saw the 29th Mardi Gras Parade snake its way through the streets of Sydney.
I had spent most of the week in preparation for this event, making sure I’d had my haircut specially, domestic chores complete and shopping done on time.

MSM arrived at Chez Pentland around the 4 O’Clock mark and all I needed to do at this point was get dressed, having showered, preened, plucked and exfoliated earlier in the day.

The day itself was a hot one with the mercury pushing the 30 mark and not a cloud in the sky.
After emptying our water bottles of water and re-filling with V&C, we headed off on our 15 minute hike to the parade route.

When we arrived, it was about 5.15 and already thousands of people were lining the way ready to gape and gawk at the faggotry. We managed to find a really great spot about ¾ of the way along. Admittedly, the “marching boys” would be tired by this point, but at least we were in front and would have a great view.

Views are all important on this route as it isn’t that long and over 500,000 people cram into the space, up to 10 deep in some places.

The parade started at 7.15 so, we had approx two and half hours of waiting before the parade reached us in Flinders St.

At about 7.45, only 15 minutes (or so) to go, when Ebeneezer turn up out of the blue. We hadn't seem him in a few weeks, so it was rude not to say “Hi”

Big mistake. Huge in fact. No sooner had we said “Hi” we lost our spot at the front of the viewing area, within 3 minutes we had all lost each other and spent the rest of the night Searching, Searching looking for love, I gotta to find me a man……Sung by Hazel Dean around 1985.
I couldn’t get to the parade to see any of it and couldn't find anyone I knew! I wandered off home….surprised to see it was now 11.30????

Oh well, maybe next year.....

PS, I didnt take any of the above piccies, they're courtesy of the WWW

Earwigging

On the train, going to work today, I "overheard" a small snippet of a conversation.

"G'day Maureen, how ya goin'?" asked notattractiveoverweight40something male.

"arrr, I'm good. I've been meaning to call you since we last met. The sexual health clinic says you should go and see them." replies notattractiveoverweight40something female.

"Sshhhhh!" responds male

"Well, I'm just saying!" Continues in hushed tones.......

Personally, I'm all for it !