Melbourne - Part 1
Slightly blurry pic
The FINA 12th World Championships are being held in Melbourne at the moment, so I decided to pop down, if you can “pop down” a thousand kilometres, and see the mens 3m diving final.
My plane landed at around 3pm, which left me plenty of time to find my hotel, get changed, summink to eat and get to the aquatic centre for the show at 8.30pm.
Getting from the airport to Melbourne City Centre was not a problem, getting from there to the hotel was. What should have taken me only 20 mins actually took almost and hour and a half! One bus, two trams, one train and a 25 minute walk in 35 degree heat, I eventually arrived, looking a pikey on a day outing! The receptionist/owner asked me “Can I help you?” but the look he gave was actually “Get away from my door, you smelly undesirable!”
“Yes, I’m Gaz, I have a booking.” I offered.
“Oh, well come in.” (read “Oh my god, who is this retard.”)
The rooms were nice enough for a B&B, but the best bit is that it is above a pub!
Having showered and changed, I made my way down stairs for a beer and then headed off to the Melbourne Sports & Aquatic Centre (MSAC). It was 6pm and according to the www it would only take me 40 mins to get there, max.
1 train, two trams, a taxi and two hours later, I arrived. In good time to see the start of the final.
Now, those of you who know me, know that I don’t use the word ‘awesome’ but it is the only word I can think of to describe the diving spectacular!! It was amazing, bloody oath!
Men, in budgiesmugglers, piking, tucking, twisting, somersaulting there way towards the gold. It was eventually won by the Chinese with Canada coming in second.
Now that I knew where I was going, I got home within the allotted 40 minutes given to me by the www. Had a few beers in the pub downstairs and went to beddiebyes at 2am.
Up the next day, crack o dawn, she didn’t seem to mind and then got 1 train into town. (I’m getting the hang of this Melbourne train system now!) Booked a tour to Phillip Island for later that day and then hopped on a free tram that goes in a loop around the main sites of Melbourne. There’s not much to say about this place really, cos I didn’t spend much time there. A city is a city right?
However, on this “loop tram” there were two old biddies and one old codger, all three English. Lady 1, obviously lived here, lady 2 and man 1 visiting. All three spoke in a slightly Northern accent and for the life of me the two women sounded EXACTLY like those two women that Roy Barraclough and Les Dawson used to do, so when reading their conversation below, think of it in those terms.
Lady 1: THIRTY YEARS, that’s how long she was with him.
Lady 2: Thirty Years?
Man 1: (Grunt)
Lady 1: Yes, thirty years. Thirty years, before he had the decency to die on her.
Man 1: (Grunt)
Lady 2: I know
Lady 1: It was the smoking that did it you know. I says to him, I says those fags’ll kill you, you know, I'm telling ya I says to him and I was right wasn’t I.
Lady 2: You’re right, it was the fags, you’re right……..How did he die again?
Lady 1 Brain tumour……………………………………
Man 1 (Grunt)
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