This is the week that was

Its been over a week since my last foray into the blog world. There are many reasons for this but the main one being that I've been far too lazy and busy to keep up. My life is a one social event after another and my dance card is full to overlflowing!

Saturday, I went out to Pollys club. You may remember I went to Pollys for the first time about 10 weeks ago and won a wine cooler fridge. It was their annual do so it was all glam. The standard bi-monthly gathering is held at Marrickville Town Hall. Thats right...a town hall.


Marrickville Town Hall

There were probably as many people there, say around the 500 mark. Long tressle tables stretched out in a Hogwarts dinner hall style covered with paper table cloths. Not even individual table cloths but more the table cloth on a roll type. The bar is actually a serving hatch in the wall that served VB in a can or Ruskies in a bottle (bitter or Sminoff Ice). The venue is also BYO (Bring You Own) so you can get a small bucket with ice to keep your drinks cold during your stay.

I'm probably not painting a very good picture, but that said it's a really great place to go. Whilst the venue might not be that inspired, the glamour is provided by the smattering of trannies and the sounds are provided by a DJ that doesn't mix. Think 1970's school disco and you've pretty much hit the nail on the head. Still, its all for charity and good causes....


Sunday tea time I headed off to "Bump & Bowl," a gay afternoon at the bowling alley in The Entertainment Quarter. Basically a gaggle of queens show up, sort themselves into teams of eight and bowl a couple of games.



Spare!


A DJ pumps out Kylie & Madonna so that you can bop in-between goes and the full bar is only a stagger away. I'm not going to go into this to much, but suffice to say that after my first bowl I was nursing two very sore knees and a painful gluteus maximus which is still tender 4 days later. Its touch and go if I'll ever walk again.

Picture of me, never walking again

Caption Competition

Politicians here are called Poli's, cos the Aussies like to shorten any word with more than two syllables.

Kevin Rudd, the leader of the opposition party is currently caught up in a scandal as it has come to light he visited a New York strip joint four years ago. Shock, horror.

This is Kevin Rudd below............What's he saying?

............................

I'm off to the shops

Smack bang in the middle of the CBD (Downtown, the City, call it what you will wherever you are) stands the regal Queen Victoria Building or QVB as is it more commonly called.

The architect, George McRae, saw there were a great number of skilled people out of work so he delibrately designed an OTT building in the Romanesque Revival style to ensure they would all be employed for quite some time.

The building was finshed and opened in 1898 and named after Queen Vicky in her honour. For the most part is was a concert hall where you could go and see "Australias Got Talent" of the day and retire to a coffee shop afterwards.

It was almost demolished in the late 50's due to lack of care and the fact it had become an eyesore, but some clever person decided against it and in the 80's it was totally restored to it's former glory and is now a...........shopping centre.

Still. It beats Lakeside and Blue Water dunnit !

Off to The Tower

The third (and final) installment of my super-priced, tourist trap, combo ticket involved The Sydney Tower.

Built in the early 70's it is still Sydneys tallest building. It is also Sydneys most boring building (to date).




I arrived fairly earlyish in the morning and dutifully stood in line awaiting my turn. I was informed that my ticket also included a 'go' on Oz-Trek, the largest simulated ride in Australia, that takes you on an amazing virtual reality adventure across Australia's cultural history and geography. Piffle.

In reality, you are led through a line of plastic walled caves that lead you to one of those ride simulators that are supposed to make you think you are actually on a rollercoaster or in this case flying over the Opera House, soaring over The Blue Mountain or sailing over Uluru but you are actually thrown around in an electronically controlled chair where you bang your head on the safety bar as we career around the billabongs of the Darling River.

After this entertaining, thrilling and indeed enlightning cultural experience, I headed over to the lift area where I would be elevated at great speeds to the observation decks. Handing over my ticket I was asked if I had been up to the top before.

"Indeed I have" I answered.

"Well, I'm afraid you can't go up again." said the 'working during term break' student.

"Err, why?"

"Because you're only allowed to go up to the top once"

Having encountered stupid people working at the Wildlife Park last week, I realised I may have to take a different tack with this one....she was sharp!

"Let me see if I'm getting you" I say. "Any given person is only allowed up there once in their life time?"

"Oh no" she says "Only once on a ticket!"

Now we're getting somewhere I thought. "Well, I have been up to the top previously, which was your question, but that was back in 1990 and not today. Can I go up now?"

"Oh, I see....well your ticket says you've been up there today."

"Does it?" I say

"Yeah, right there is the date"

"Yes, that is the date. That is the date of purchase, that is the date today, that is the date I just wandered in off the street and swapped my combo pass for this ticket."

"Enjoy the ride!" she says over-enthustically as she allows me thru the barrier with one of those beaming to brightly "down's-syndrome smiles."

I enter the lift and whoosh at the great speed of around 1mph to the top where I can see all of Sydney below me. What a view! It's amazing!



After 1 minute and 12 seconds I had done the full circle and was kinda wishing I hadn't been allowed up there..ZZZzzzz

Chatty Chewsday

The Complaint Box Is Open (again....!)

That'll teach him!

I posted a story a couple of months back on how Sydneysiders don't wear shoes half the time. In particular one mate never wears shoes and in fact hates them.

Imagine how much I laughed the other day when I heard that after spending hours in front of the mirror making himself glamourous, he hopped in his car and headed off to a club.

Upon arrival, they wouldn't let him in as he had left his shoes at home. DOH!

Chortle ;-)

Lunch Time

About 15-20 minutes walk from work is the suburb McMahons Point. There is a particular building there that some say is the scourge of Sydney as it's pretty dam fugly. However, it probably has one of the best views ever.

I strolled down there with my grilled chicken and salad sandwich today and sat by the waters edge in 24 degree heat (75f & its mid-winter!) and nibbled on my lunch. I thought I would share the view with ya'll.

Lifes a bitch

Where did you go for lunch today?

Ding Dong The Witch is Dead. Right?

The NY Daily news ran this story the other day all about Liza (with a zee).

Whilst she was out shopping in a Manhattan Gap;

"The employee asked her, "Has anyone ever told you you look like Judy Garland?"

She coldly answered, "No!"

You'd leave it alone after that, right?

The confused employee went on to say, "Oh my God! You're her! You are Judy Garland!"

Oh. No. She. Didn't.

Ms. Minnelli looked up with fire in her eyes and snapped back, "Judy Garland is dead!"

She then grabbed the pants she had been trying on and stated to no one in particular, "I've gotta get out of here!" She made a mad dash to the registers and then out the door."

Now don't get me wrong, but if you work in Gap, you're gay right? And EVERY gay man knows that it's Liza (with a zee) that is dead and not Judy.

Chatty Chewsday

Last weeks chatty day seemed fairly popular, but it only proved that all Poms are whingers, right?

So, today, lets say summink nice. I'll even get the ball rolling.....

"I have very beautiful lips." I repeat "I have very beautiful lips" (I'm looking in the mirror saying this by the way).

Your turn.

Scenic Sundays

The Opera House was built by Danish architect Jorn Utzon. There was huge controversy at the time due to the costs, time taken etc so after a load of legal wrangling, he left the country and never saw the building finished until a few weeks ago. A lot of people say the interior was not finished to the original plans which is why so many artists dont actually like to perform here due to bad design of the artists areas. Most say it is far too cramped.


Stolen Opera House

Just this weekend, some other bloke from somewhere (I didn't catch his name or which country he is from) is stating he designed the Opera House and in fact his house is built to the same sort of plan, though smaller. I've seen the pics and it does look a lot like the Opera House He built his place in 1953....some 20 years before the Opera House actually opened.

Turns out even architects are thieving bastards as well.

Don't ask me, I only work here !

Just next to Sydney Aquarium is another one of those Tourist Trap Robbing Bastard places. This one is imaginatively called Sydney Wildlife World. Being a tourist, I bought a 'combo' ticket last week when I visited the aquarium, which gets me into three places, giving me a saving of 25 bucks!

I got to this weeks outing at about 10:10 and saw there was a talk on the Cassowary Bird (which can kill a bloke with one kick) at 10:30, so I got a wriggle on and made my way to the talk area where I was greeted by an aboriginal guy.

"G'day mate, you here for the talk?" he asked

"I am mate" I answered and sat down.

It was a very boring talk with very few facts, though I can tell you that in one of the aboriginal languages of what is now Queensland, the Cassowary is called the king of the forest. Well. There you go.

Killer bird

At the end of his 8 minute monologue he asked "Anyone got any questions?"

I was gonna ask a question about breeding when a an American lady beat me too it and basically asked the same question I was thinking of. "Do you ever breed them?"

I thought this was a good question and so did the guy doing the talk. In fact he said so right after he said "Ah, err, umm, well, ah, you see, I'm not a keeper so I wouldn't know, I'm just an interactive host, but good question."

My next question should have been "Why ask us if we have any questions when its blatantly obvious you dont know any answers?" But I didn't. I should have, but I didn't. In fact I just smiled to myself and thought "What a Looooser."

Next stop was the talk on Australian Bird-life. Ooooo, great I thought and headed up to the koala enclosure where the talk was being given. I arrived to see a young lady with a Pink Cockatoo sitting on her finger asking the question "Can anybody tell me what colour this bird is?"

I turned around and headed towards the exit. I couldn't take anymore. She was sat there with a fucking PINK bird on her hand asking people what fucking colour it was. I could barely contain myself, I was chuckling that much.

Heading now towards the exit I stopped to look at some yellow foot wallaby type thing, which was kinda interesting. Just by the exit door was a member of staff with a lizard on her arm.

"What's that?' I ask

"It's a Shingleback" came the reply.

"Oh, is it a skink?" I enquire as it looked like one.

"No, its a lizard" she replied in all seriousness.

I laughed so much, milk came out of my nostrils!

If there was an award for dumbass staff who don't have a clue where they work, this place would win hands down.

On the recommendation of Ruth, I headed over to Pyrmont Bridge which is the worlds oldest surviving, electrically operated swing bridge opened in 1902. I got to sit with the Fat Controller in his little box and he gave me a talk all about the bridge.

Open Sesame!

He obviously loves his job very much as he could tell me exactly how many yachts had passed through in the last month and could even tell me the previous month without referring to his log book. Which in fact he did do to let me know how many yachts came through the month previous to that. 39 in case you were wondering. Still, it made for a nice chat. Thanks Ruth!

The Fat Controllers Box

I rode the monorail home and watched Singin' in the Rain. Never seen it before. Never will again.

Cya !